Today was my 47^th birthday. I have some thoughts on the year that just passed in my life, but today I just want to document the things I did. A few things happened today that don’t usually happen on my birthday, so I just wanted to mark it.

After a horrible night’s sleep, in which I dreamed I had an argument with Kendell and then I was so angry I just wanted to break something so I went into the kitchen and threw everything I could think of onto the floor, the walls, the counters, the cupboards, and nothing, nothing would break—after that pleasant dream, I dragged  myself out of bed and started baking. I made two cakes, a vanilla Mary Ann cake with blackberries and raspberries and blackberry whipped cream and a triple-layer lemon cake. I sipped a hot beverage and listened to music and made cake, and it was a lovely start to my birthday.

(Even if, yeah, I was sort of making my own birthday cake.)

I did cry twice, though. Once when I thought about my first birthday without my mom. The second time when I had that birthday moment, when you stop to think about how much of your life has already past, and wonder what it has all meant, and how you might’ve wasted the time you had.

Anyway.

I cleaned up the kitchen a bit, changed into my running clothes, and ran down to the soccer fields, where I caught the last half of Kaleb’s soccer game. They ended up tied, 1-1, and he was bugged about not winning but glad to not lose.

We grabbed him and his cousin Jace, who was hanging out with us today, some food from McDonald’s. We were in the truck, which is incredibly uncomfortable with four people, but since I am now officially the shortest, I still crawled in and out of the back cab (those inflexible knees make that difficult!)

Once we were home, I made the lemon cream cheese frosting for the lemon cake (I am feeling a lack of confidence in my lemon cake; I’m not sure everyone loves it like I do. It’s pretty lemony, which is what I love; it’s not too sweet, and the texture is enhanced by the lemon-curd filling), and then Kendell frosted it while I showered. I had him put it on the cake plate that my mom always used for birthday cakes and which I was bequeathed by my sisters because I do the most of the baking.

Sniff.

Kendell and I ran a few errands, and then we went to the park to meet the rest of my family for a little Easter party. That’s the thing that doesn’t usually happen on my birthday: I got to see both of my sisters, and several of my nieces and grand-nieces and nephews. Becky even brought some birthday candles, which we couldn’t light because it was too windy, but still. There was cake and singing and candles and family, and it was perfect (even if it really wasn’t a party for me).

I didn’t eat a whole bunch at the party, though, because we had plans to go to dinner. In between, I got to talk to Nathan, and Haley sent me a text. Not as good as actually getting to hug everyone, but at least we all got to talk.

A little bit later, Jake, Kendell, Kaleb and I went to dinner together. We don’t do this often enough, between Jake’s work schedule and everyone’s food particulars. So it was so nice to sit together, talk, and share a meal. (We went to Mi Ranchito, a local Mexican restaurant that has my favorite Mexican rice ever.)

Finally, to end a sweet birthday, a little bit of sewing and a little bit of relaxing, and some prep for tomorrow (it’s Easter!).

I can’t let myself hope too much—but I’d really like to think that this good birthday could be a harbinger of good things to come in my 48^th trip around the sun.