Playing along with Stephanie. The goal is to write what is in your heart...the good, the hard, the sad, the joyful.

1. Ever since the layoffs I’ve been filled with anxiety. I just don’t know what’s coming. Or, more precisely, when. What gets me is I felt like we were just on the cusp of trusting the future more. We were talking about maybe moving. Some vacations we want to take. Now with the thread of unemployment I am back to feeling stuck. Stifled. I don’t know what to do: sit tight, start spending way less and saving as much as we can? Or be proactive and find something new? What I do know is that I’ve done unemployed-husband before. It is Not. Fun. I don’t want to do it again. Also, I blame the gap in our family mostly on unemployment. What will it take from me this time?

2. Along the same line...and this is not me complaining about my life. (I just wrote about how grateful I am for our goldilocks moment.) But as Kendell has considered different career options, and we’ve talked about how he’s never really decided what he wanted to be when he grows up, he’s pointed out that it’s not like I went to school with the goal of being a librarian. And that’s true. My truest, deepest wish is that I had gotten my PhD and was right now a university English professor. But, you know...I got married. I built a house. I had children and I invested my heart into my family. I don’t regret that for a second. But there is always that tug...that what if. That dreaming about an Amy in alternate universe who has the family, and the house, and the dream career. Tug. Tug.

3. I am starting to trust my ankle more. I’m astounded, actually, at how three PT appointments have made it feel. Not 100% yet, and I confess that the whole time I think “don’t fall down, don’t fall down” and I’m not sure I’ll ever do it without that slight hesitation, but: I’ve started running again! I am building up slowly. The track at our rec center is this dismal little thing—you have to do 6 and 1/5 laps for a mile. But I’m starting there, running a lap, walking a lap, ten reps to make sure I’m getting in three miles. After five days of that, I’ll switch it to run two, walk one. Until I’m feeling brave again.

4. On the other side of that coin, I’m failing pretty dismally at my diet. I look at myself in the mirror and I feel...thick. I said something about this to Nathan and he said “Mom! Look around you! There are lots of people who are chubbier than you.” (He tries so hard to help people feel positive.) And he’s right...it could be worse. But I don’t want to slide down a slope I can’t climb out of, and having hypothyroidism makes the weight-loss thing a steep uphill climb. I’ve been doing OK at eating less wheat (after reading The Wheat Belly), but chocolate? Not so much. (It is gluten free though!)

5. We’ve had some rough battles with Jakey. Normal teenage stuff, but sometimes I feel utter despair. Then I remember that I feel that way because I love him so much, and want him to fulfill his potential and be a happy grown-up man. Watching Haley as she makes some choices I wish she wouldn’t and some choices I am so proud about, I am learning that part of being the mom to non-littles (because none of them are grown ups yet) is mostly about letting them know you love them and trying to keep them safe and hoping that they chose wisely...but knowing that your influence over those choices is waning. Somehow knowing that makes the battle easier because it eliminates a barrier. In the end, he is the only one who can make the choices he makes for his life. I can only coach, and hope, and maybe cajole and definitely cheer and sometimes make things better but only if I can...but he has to choose.

6. Hmmmm. All of that makes it seem like I am feeling gloomy, but in most ways I am not. I made a conscious choice at the beginning of January to be productive with my projects and goals, and to just tuck myself into my house and be happy doing things I love. Just recuperating from the busy-ness that happened from October till the end of the holidays. And for the most part, I have. Aside from the inversion we’ve had (we had the worst air quality in the entire nation for several days), I’ve thoroughly enjoyed January.

7. I haven’t fulfilled my goal yet, though, of taking more photos. Tomorrow I’m going to rectify that! It’s raining right now as I write this, and I’m hoping I’ll wake up to snow, but whatever the weather, pictures tomorrow.

What’s in your heart right now? Link me up if you join in!

A friend on Facebook last week had been tagged in one of those Facebook list thingees. (Is there a hipster word for it, when one person lists their ten (or however many) favorite somethings, and then tags their friends to do the same? Five years ago I would’ve called that a meme, but the meaning of that word has changed drastically!) The list was about music: list ten albums that have stayed with you

I’ve been mentally writing my list in my head since I read that status, so I’m just going to write them here, on my blog. In roughly chronological order, with liner notes:

1. Forever Young by Alphaville.

Hearing this album—in my friend Carrie’s camper on our way to Lake Powell the summer I was 14—changed my life. That’s fairly dramatic to say of music, but it’s true. I had never heard anything like it, but it was like finding a part of myself I didn’t know was lost. On the way home from the trip, Carrie’s sister (who had brought the tape) decided she hated it and would never listen to it again. I, on the other hand, got home and started listening to the radio obsessively, trying to hear “Big in Japan” again. Once I found a radio station that played it—KJQ—I discovered some of my friends also listened to it; music to friends to lifestyle and whammo, one album changed everything.

2. Music for the Masses by Depeche Mode.

I can’t even explain the depths of my affection for DM as a teenager. So it was hard to pick just one album. I bought this as an import because I couldn’t wait for the American release, back when Grey Whale was selling used tapes and imports in that little shop on Center Street in Provo. As this was the soundtrack for so many, many experiences, it had to be this one. In my more dramatic moments I used to say that “Strangelove” is the only true love song, mostly because that was all I knew about love (the way the song is about just taking whatever the person you love kicks you with because you knew he’d eventually stop kicking). I can’t hear any of the songs on it without being swamped with how it felt to be me in high school.

3. 1894-1989 by Lloyd Cole and the Commotions.

I n the summer of 1989, my friend Jennifer and I went to Lake Powell for spring break. My mom was NOT happy about me going (who can blame her—a big group of kids hanging out unsupervised in campers and tents and surrounded by water?), so we fought for days before I went. She let me go, but I was on my own as far as getting there, and feeding myself, and anything else. So Jenn and I went to Lake Powell with a Phillips 66 gas card and one tape. We were already in Price before we realized that we’d forgotten the case of tapes and only had Lloyd Cole with us, which was in her tape player. Even though it was the longest drive to Lake Powell ever (we got lost more than once, and I’m not talking about small, ooooops-I-missed-the-exit detours), I never got tired of it. “Her heart’s like crazy paving, upside down and back to front because ooooh, it’s so hard to love when love was your great disappointment” is still one of my all-time favorite lyrics. Even with the ooooh. Listening to it will always be synonymous with freedom and adventure for me. (For what it’s worth: that trip to Powell was one of my adolescent life’s tamest weekends, except for a girl threatening to duct-tape my f-ing mouth closed; as I loved Lake Powell too much to pollute it with anything other than just being there, I did nothing my mother wouldn’t have approved of. Except, you know, stealing her gas card and living for two days on chips, beef jerky, and Pepsi.)

4. Sonic Temple by the Cult.

I resisted liking The Cult for awhile. It just seemed so...hard. I had to grow into it, in non-pleasant ways; I had to find my hard places before I liked their music. Once I discovered angry driving with The Cult blaring, though, I was hooked. “Wild Flower” will always be my favorite Cult song, but I love every single song on Sonic Temple. Still! And I confess: I often wish I could go angry driving with a Cult accompaniment.

5. Deep by Peter Murphy.

At midnight on the night a new album released, KJQ used to play the whole thing. The night that Deep released, Jenn stayed up late and taped it so we could start listening to it immediately. By then—the end of 1989, the start of 1990—I was deeply immersed in my goth-girl ways and had an abiding affection for Bauhaus and its incarnations. It was dark and I was in a dark place. What I didn’t know when I first listened to deep was how on the cusp of change I was, and then January came and everything really, really changed, and so deep is another soundtrack to a time in my life that is inestricable from the music. “A Strange Kind of Love” is a song that tugs me right back to complication and heartache but also being loved and treated kindly (although a bit obsessively) by a boy. I still wish it could’ve fallen on the side of friendship instead of hatred.

6. Ink by The Fixx.

So it was 1991, and I was sort of putting my life back together, and I was dating this boy, and we’d broken up in April but then gotten back together, and all summer we just hung out and spent time together driving around in his white Jetta and yeah...I totally married him, and this Fixx album is the soundtrack to that summer. I hadn’t ever had a strong connection to this band...but I loved this album, the white Jetta, the boy.

7. Little Earthquakes by Tori Amos.

This is the first CD I bought. I loved “Silent All These Years” the instant I heard it, but we were in that awkward transition then—we didn’t own a CD player but didn’t want to buy tapes anymore. When we finally bought one, during the summer we were building our house, I bought this first for myself even though Kendell hated Tori Amos. (He still does.) Even though Becky hated Tori Amos. (She doesn’t anymore.) It’s good it’s not possible to wear out a CD (is it?) because I would’ve worn Little Earthquakes out as a tape. Every song means something to me, both from that time in my life and from other connections as I’ve continued to listen to it, but mostly it has taught me something (that I am still learning) about finding my own voice. (Scarlett’s Walk was equally important to me, but in a different way. I listened to it every day driving back and forth when I was student teaching, and it gave me courage to walk into that school every day when I was terrified and unsure of my choices and wanting desperately to do nothing other than drive back home to my babies. But as I am limiting myself to one album per artist...)

8. Yourself or Someone Like You by Matchbox 20.

I remember going into the music store in the mall and trying to explain this song I’d heard on the radio: it’s something about boxes of rain, and what would happen if the singer were the leader of the world...Yeah. The poor little teenager had no clue. I finally figured it out. This album (and most all of their music) has stayed with me because it taught me that music could connect and relate and have awesome lyrics—and still be just really, really fun. Plus it reminds me of being the mom of just one child, how terrifying and exhilarating that time was.

9. Films about Ghosts by Counting Crows.

Is it cheating to include a “best of” album? Not always, though, does a best-of album really get the band’s best stuff for me, usually because I tend to like the songs that aren’t played on the radio as much. Has anyone ever heard “Recovering the Satellites,” “Holiday in Spain,” or the incomparable “Anna Begins” on the radio? (Plus...it’s got all the ones that were on the radio, like “Einstein on the Beach” and, yes, “Mr. Jones.”) “She’s talking in her sleep—it’s keeping me awake And Anna begins to toss and turn, And every word is nonsense but I understand.” Swoon. I forget how much Counting Crows is intertwined in my grown up life until I listen to this album, but seriously: everywhere. Every song reminds me of something. I’ve made lesson plans with it, and scrapbook pages; I’ve sung along to every single song hundreds of times.

10. AHK-toong Bay-Bi Covered.

Maybe it’s odd that my favorite U2 album is mostly not sung by U2? As much as I love U2, and as strongly as The Unforgettable Fire influenced me, and no matter how some of their lyrics could be tattooed on my body they are so much a part of me, I love this album the best. It’s a remake of Achtung Baby, with songs by Damien Rice, Nine Inch Nails, Jack White, and DM (among others) and each cover somehow gets exactly to the substance of the song and turns it into more of itself than it was. I discovered it one morning when, driving to work, I heard Depeche Mode singing, what!?, “So Cruel,” and then I confess I didn’t do much librarian-ish stuff until I discovered how to get my hands on it. Luckily Becky had heard it, too, and that same morning she went about purchasing it for us. Since then the album has gone with me nearly everywhere, trips to California and Mexico, countless runs and races, in the car to funerals. Even in Rome, where Becky and I listened to that DM cover while we walked by the Tiber. It’s never gotten old.

This list was harder to write than I thought, despite a week’s worth of thinking about it. Mostly because I could’ve made it twenty albums long. (Not included, but almost: 21 by Adele, Ceremonials by Florence + the Machine, Swing the Heartache by Bauhaus, Disintegration by The Cure, The Soul Cages by Sting, Violent Femmes by the Femmes, Fumbling Towards Ecstacy by Sarah McLachlan, Upstairs at Eric’s by Yaz, Wonderland by Erasure, Vicious Pink by Vicious Pink, Dead Man’s Party by Oingo Boingo, and a whole bunch of others I’m forgetting.) What are your most influential albums? Link me up if you write them down!

Yesterday I went to the physical therapist.

That's a fairly simple sentence to write, but it was a process to talk myself into going. My ankle—the one I sprained at Ragnar—has never really gotten better. (If you are a Lord of the Rings fan maybe you have the same echo in your head: He will carry that wound all his life.) It aches, and it hurts at odd times: if I carry anything heavy, for example. Sometimes I have to carry my purse on my right shoulder, even. When I wake up in the morning, there is a spot on my foot right under my ankle that feels bruised. It doesn't hurt when I exercise (at least...I don't think it does, but it's hard to have empirical proof based on the very few times I've actually tried), but it flares and protests afterward.

The pain is one thing. It's not the thing that concerns me most, though, as I refuse to be cowed by a little ache. What really is bothering me about my ankle is that it feels weak. One of the exercises I've continued to do to strengthen it is just balancing. I never knew how many ankle muscles are involved with balancing on one foot. (Also: try to balance on one foot with your eyes closed. I thought I had relatively good balance until I started doing this.) I do this five or six times a day, just stop and balance, and in the interest of keeping things even, I balance on my left ankle and then my right. And it is startling just how wobbly and weak my left ankle is.

I've also tried doing mental imagery, where I sit with my eyes closed and imagine the tendons and ligaments growing strong and vital, but inevitably my thoughts return to that moment in the dark when my ankle twists, and then I get all GAAAAAH and I have to try to stop thinking about my ankle. Except my thoughts take me forward to a day in spring when I am training on Squaw Peak Road, and the same twist happens except, yeah, it's not in the dark, but it's downhill, and I don't just fall on the side of the road but I tumble off a cliff.

It sounds a little kooky but I believe in mental imagery—it's a throwback to my gymnastics days, when I'd lull myself to sleep by imagining perfectly-executed beam routines. I believe in the healing power of the mind, so I must also believe in the possibility of the bad things I keep imagining will happen if I really, really start running again.

I don't trust my ankle.

When I told the PT yesterday that I'd hurt my ankle in June—like, nearly seven months ago, yes, that June—he looked at me like I was insane. "I think you've given it enough time to heal on its own," he said, "and obviously that isn't happening. An ankle sprain shouldn't take so long to heal." But I think he was just being nice. I think he really wanted to say, "WHY didn't you come in sooner?"

Here's why:

1. Crappy high deductible health insurance that kicked in one week after I fell.
2. Arguing with Kendell, who thinks PT is worthless.
3. Fear. Really: fear. I am terrified that a doctor is going to tell me I have to stop running. Or I have to have surgery. Or that my ankle will never be normal again.

But one day early in January, a rare day that was both sunny and smog-free, I saw a woman running outside. She had on running tights and a bright-blue long sleeve, and her body language as she moved was saying "happy, happy, happy, happy." Usually, these days, I just ignore the runners because they make me sad. But I watched her (I was at a stoplight) and I listened to her body, and I wanted to be her so badly that it pushed me right over the edge: I called my podiatrist right there at the stoplight.

The PT did something that surprised me: he didn't really focus on my ankle. Instead, he massaged the tendon that runs along the outside of my lower leg. The ultrasound and the electric stim also went from the top of my foot all the way to the middle of my calf. He told me that the lingering annoyance was probably happening not because of the ankle itself, but because of those tendons and muscles. (Sort of like you get ITB pain on your knee and you fix it by stretching your hip.)

It made sense, but I was also pretty skeptical. I'm not sure I believe anymore that anything can fix me.

But about an hour after I left, I realized something: my left leg felt normal. I never realized just how off it's felt. Not really painful (although, the massage was!), but tight and twitchy and just...anxious somehow. But the PT was right, I think. It is that part of my leg that's been bugging me. It made me think about how it felt when I fell, and about how I described it when I wrote about it: Like fire halfway up the outside of my left leg. I never would have put the two pieces together on my own.

The entirety of that Lord of the Rings quote about Frodo's wound goes like this (although they don't include the whole thing in the movie): He will carry that wound all his life, but he will also carry the wonder and magic of the Elven lore that cured him. Of course, it wasn't elven lore but science that cured me. And I'm not cured yet. Except in my heart I am starting to be. The way my leg's anxiety has lessened is mirrored in my internal anxiety. Today I feel lighter. I feel ready to start again: imagining health, and not immediately going to the falling-off-the-cliff place in my head. Planning for the future and believing it will happen. Believing my body will say "happy happy happy happy" again.

And maybe my fears are true. Maybe this ankle will bother me forever. Maybe one day when I'm eighty and wobbly everywhere, and my left ankle is stiff and unhappy, I will wonder if it was worth it—the running, the chances to fall, the actual falls. But I hope the magic of healing—the process of finding my courage again, and of working my way back—will linger as well. There is a strength and power in taking control of what I can control, in doing instead of hoping, and it is a thing this ankle is teaching me.

"I am not what has happened to me," Carl Jung said, "I am what I choose to become." I know it's a small thing—making an appointment, seeing a doctor. But the power comes in the choice, in the standing up for myself and the not being controlled by the fear of "what if." I am choosing to become a runner again, and if I know myself it will be true that I will have to make this choice over and over until I finally achieve it again. But one day I will be the woman in a bright blue shirt, running on the side of the road.

I just have to choose it.

One of my resolutions for 2014 is to listen to more music. Which is not to say that I don't listen to a lot of music—because I do. Especially recently, when I've finally figured out how to A---download music to my phone and B---how to pair my phone with the audio system in our cars. (Neither of which were hard at all...I just needed to actually do it.)

But since I've been running way less, I've not been actively searching out new music. Until now. And I decided that instead of just downloading single songs, I'm going to listen to entire albums. I check them out from the library and actually, you know, play the CDs (how old fashioned of me, right?), and then once I know what I like, I'll download those songs. So right now I'm listening to these albums:

• AM by Arctic Monkeys
• Pure Heroine by Lorde (I know...I'm sort of ashamed of myself for liking so much music that was made by someone so young...but there you go)
• The Worse Things Get, the Harder I Fight...by Neko Case

And I'm on the hold list for these albums:

• Lightning Bolt by Pearl Jam
• Days are Gone by Haim
• Trouble Will Find Me by The National
• Random Access Memory by Daft Punk
• Delta Machine by Depeche Mode (and I call myself a DM fan...)
• Modern Vampires of the City by Vampire Weekend

But I also have my "New Songs" playlist, which is individual songs I couldn't wait to buy:

• Do I Want to Know? by Arctic Monkeys (I love the lyric "the nights were mainly made for saying things that you can't say tomorrow day")
• Pompeii by Bastille
• I See Fire by Ed Sheeran (Yes, it IS a song about Hobbits. And Dwarves. but it is beautiful!)
• Shot at the Night by The Killers
• Sirens by Pearl Jam
• Shimmer by Fuel
• The Walker by Fitz & the Tantrums
• Unbelievers by Vampire Weekend (I. Can't. Wait. to run to this song!)
• Laid by James (Warning: slightly naughty lyrics)
• Scratch by Contagion, which is NOT a new song, but I heard it on the radio and had one of those "Ah! I forgot about this song!" moments, and then I bought it and added it to my "bad ass running songs" list, too. You know...on the off chance that I ever actually run again.

So tell me! What are you listening to right now? What groups or songs do I desperately need to investigate?

This week, the library where I work was closed to the public. We were doing maintenance—painting, changing light bulbs and replacing ceiling tiles, dusting. I did quite a bit of shelf reading, and got caught up on some overdue projects, and weeded the book group collection.

It was a productive few days, but it taught me something. During my usual work week, I have one day shift that starts at 11:00, one evening shift that starts at three, and then I alternate Friday and Saturday. And while I was happy to work during the day instead of that evening shift, and have an extra weekend day this week, it was startling to me just how hard it was to be ready to go by 8:30, three days in a row.

Also, I got nothing accomplished after work. No exercise, no house cleaning or laundry, and one day I just bought dinner instead of trying to cook anything. Certainly no scrapbooking, writing, quilting, or other sorts of creating.

It took me quite awhile to be at peace with the fact that my life continued to bring me to the necessity of being a working mother. One reason I took my library job when I did was that I was able to return to working under my own terms; I chose instead of being forced. I think I finally figured out that despite how desperately I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, I’m actually happier having a part-time job.

I might’ve even patted myself on the back a little bit, thinking about how well I’ve managed it. Until this week, that is.

This week taught me that my schedule (not my amazing coping skills) is the thing that helps me manage work and motherhood. Sure, there’s sometimes quite a bit of shuffling, especially if there’s a sick kid, or a doctor’s appointment, or something unexpected. I rely on the flexibility of Kendell’s job to fill in what I can’t. But not having to be ready for work most days until 11:00 means I can pamper my kids a little bit—scrambled eggs sometimes instead of cereal. And I can pamper myself as well, with a little bit more time spent sleeping.

I’m a working mom, but I realized that I don’t have many of the stressors that most working moms have.

But the week wasn’t done teaching me things.

Thursday was a lay-off day at Novell, where my husband works. He managed to avoid the ax this time, thank goodness. But every time they lay people off—once every 18 months or so—I feel again that it isn’t really if he gets laid off, but when.

And when that happens? Everything will change I think. Because, here’s the deal: I love my part-time librarian job. I love it. It is perfect for me. I get to work with books: write about them, recommend them, talk about them. Touch them, even. Put them on shelves and displays, make sure they are in their correct spots. Sure, it’s not all nirvana. You should see how annoyed and irritated I am after a shift at the Internet desk. The “I want a book that doesn’t swear, has no sex or violence, nothing bad happens, but really makes me feel and learn and grow” question that I get nearly every shift makes me crazy. And the elevator nearly gives me hives it makes me so anxious.

Those are small things compared with my affection for my job, but the real issue is this: I don’t make enough money to support us. If Kendell (no...when Kendell) loses his job, if he doesn’t find a replacement quickly, we are in trouble. Even if I switched to full time, I still wouldn’t make even close enough to support us. We would, in fact, live below the poverty level.

And overlooking (with gritted teeth and a frustrated heart) the fact that it is ridiculous that I have two degrees and all the necessary skills and responsibility but yet I can’t support my family because society doesn’t really value my education or skills, the truth is, working at the library is a luxury. It gets me out of the house and it lessens my guilt (quiets that voice that says if you were really a good wife and mother you’d actually contribute something useful to this family) and helps me feel like I contribute, and sure: I do contribute. The income I bring in helps us, of course.

We just can’t survive on it.

And who knows when this place in my life will disappear? It is a goldilocks moment, really. Not glamorous or wealthy or fabulous. But not miserable, either. Gloriously flexible, in fact. A sweet spot.

So I am taking from this week this knowledge: my life right now is good. It is so good. I’m tossing it out into the universe, not in a bragging sense, but in a grateful one. My life could be so much harder. And I am going to savor it. I’m going to work harder at not wasting any second of this good time.

Last year I put together a list of some of my favorite layouts...thought I would keep the tradition going! In no particular order, but this year with a short why, my 13 favorite layouts from 2013:

1:

why? Partly because any layout that has a photo with Jake smiling is an automatic favorite! (He doesn't love having his picture taken!) But really because I said some things that had been kicking around in my heart for awhile. And because I finally used that "my son" die cut, which is ancient.

2:

why? orange and pink! Really, for the same reason as #1: I wrote some things that felt important to me. (We'll see if that becomes a theme...) Also, this was one of my first times using spray mist and I'm happy with how it turned out. 

3:

Why? I love the background photo, for the perspective of the mountains I see every day—but not from this angle. It looks like one big photo but in real life is a 4x10 triptych. Also, covering up an expanse of photo with journaling was one of my favorite techniques in 2013. Also: Jake's face in that middle small photo.

4:

Why? because I had so much fun with my Prismacolors, making this one. And because I loved coming up with the little poem (which is a spin off of the book I Love You as Much As...

5:

why? The way the colors came together, and how the tag turned out. Plus: could those two boys be any cuter?

6:

why? I found this photo one day while cleaning out my mom's basement. I can remember having it taken and how much I loved my dress, and how the photographer's hands felt, arranging mine on my knee. I'm glad to get a scattering of my school details down on paper, too.

7:

why? I made this layout for the Silhouette week I did at Write Click Scrapbook. I'd been thinking about doing a sort of "foundation cutting" for awhile, but wasn't sure if it would turn out. I am still so pleased with how it did! (You can read how to make the spiderwebs here.) Also, printing all or part of a title on the photograph was another favorite 2013 technique for me.

8:

why? fun with paint! I painted on top of vellum to make the background color for this layout. Also I like the peek-a-boo leaves.

9:

why? Sometimes I feel out of place in the scrapbooking world. I tend to not embellish much, and I favor lots of journaling over lots of pretty stuff. In that sense, this is a favorite layout because it is so me: a story,  a photo, a title, and the date as the "embellishment." Perhaps not enough pretty stuff, but looking at it reminds me of what is important to me (not the industry).

10:

why? because this layout in real life looks exactly like it did in my head. Also because the journaling includes the words "like hope on a stem," and that just makes me happy.

11:

why? Well, first of all, that face! I'm glad I finally scrapped one of my favorite photos of Kaleb. Second, I love how the arc of green circles turned out. I wanted it to be sort of branch-ish.

12:

why? All the butterflies, of course! Also, the way the title turned out...started on the photo, finished with paper, like words fluttering out of a frame. (Sidenote: this is one of those layout scans in which, when I adjust the color so the embellishments look right, the photo gets weird; in the real-life picture, Haley's lips aren't purple.)

13:

why? I made this for my Textuality class back in the spring. It's emblematic of techniques I used a lot this year: title in a blank spot of the photo, letter stickers (or stamps) to spell out some of the words in the journaling, blocks of patterned paper, handwritten journaling.

I realized two things as I put this post together:

1. This list of my favorites makes it look like I make layouts about Haley and Kaleb way more often than I do about Jake and Nathan. This isn't true...in fact, I keep a spreadsheet to make sure I keep my efforts fairly balanced.

2. Layouts with lots of words make me the happiest, be they journaling or embellishments.

Did you write a favorites-of-2013 post? Link me up if you did, I'd love to see it!

At work, we put together a list of our top-five 2013 favorites in different categories. Everyone submits their favorites and then the votes are tallied. My favorites don't always make the library-wide list, so I thought I'd share it here. (Along with links to my book notes...if I wrote one about that title.)