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Swine Flu: It's All My Fault

(But, before I say anything, I will say this: I'm totally keeping the pants! And thanks for all the comments!)

About six or eight months ago, my sister Suzette asked me if I'd like to go to Mexico with her family, on their "Mom graduated from nursing school" celebration trip. After much agonizing and going back and forth at least 82 times, I decided that I'd go and take Jake & Haley with me. Jake because it's his turn to go on his 11-year-old trip (Haley's was to Niagra Falls) and Haley because she would never, ever, ever, ever forgive me if I didn't take her along. (Plus she is working this summer to pay for her airline ticket.) Since I decided yes, and the decision was set in stone (or in credit card) as the airplane tickets are already purchased, I've been doing tons of research online to figure out what we'll do in Cabo for eight days. Safari Jeep rides and hikes to mountain waterfalls! (The thing I most want to do with Jake, although I'm not sure I'll be able to manage the ---gulp!--- $400 price tag.) Moonlit buccaneer cruises! Chartered snorkeling tours! Jungle ziplines! And, of course, days and days and days spent on the beach! (Which Haley is just in heaven even thinking about.) It all sounds lovely.

But, you know, my life just never goes smoothly. I'm serious. Every time I plan something like this, there's always something else that comes up to make it more difficult. So that swine flu epidemic? That's totally the thing that's making the Mexico trip questionable. Do we risk going? We're just going to wait and see at this point. But it's just so odd. Stuff like this doesn't ever happen to Suzette when she travels. It always happens to me. I told her she should have known better than to even ask me to come, but I was hoping her travel vibes might overcome mine.

At any rate, now the world knows who they can blame the swine flu on. It's all my fault.


I Need More Opinions

I used to have these pink floral capris I loved. LOVED. I felt feminine in them, and they were this perfect, lightweight cotton with just the right teensiest bit of stretch. I wore them once a week until they wore out.

I loved them. But when they were just tired (no holes or anything, just...tired), I took them to DI instead of putting them in the I'm-going-to-make-a-quilt-with-these-pants-one-day box where most of my tired (or too small) (or, even better, too big!) pants usually go. Because Kendell hated those pants. He's of the opinion that pants should be plain. Well, clothing in general. He's a solid-color kind of guy and tends to transfer his opinion onto my clothing choices. Which bugs me, because I want to be all "hey, I don't care if you don't like these, because *I* love them" but deep down I'm wondering "I must be stupid for loving these so much."

To avoid those conflicting emotions I just tend to stick to solids on the bottom, and color & pattern on the top. Yesterday, though, I ran into White House | Black Market because A---it is my favorite store and B---I had a 25% off coupon. It's sort of expensive, so I don't go in very often, but the clothes there are just so ME. I went in with the goal of getting a skirt I've been eying since January, but they were out (well, they did have one XXS, but I'm XX100% certain that is too small for me!). Instead, I found a pair of pants that I love.

I LOVE.

But after all the drama of the pink capris, I don't trust my affection. Do I love them because they are cute? Or do I love them because I am weird? Will people laugh at me for wearing them? (Will I ever be a grown up?) I showed them to Haley and I could see her trying so hard to control her face, but her holy cow Mom those are UGLY was sort of written all over her face. "I think you should wear them if you like them," she said very, very carefully. Trying not to hurt my feelings. Kendell was like, "Well, how much were they?" but his face was very carefully controlled, too.

He thinks they're weird, too.

His exact words, after I told him the smokin' deal I got: "Well, they were probably on sale because no one wanted to buy them." Sigh.

But the thing is: I still love the pants. I love them. But I can't deal with wearing them knowing that everyone thinks I look weird. Well, that Haley and my husband think I look weird. So, I am appealing to the opinion of my blog readers. Even if you've never commented before, I want your opinion. If you have commented before, I want your opinion. If you hate them, I want to know. If you love them, I want to know. If you love them, I really want to know. But don't mince words. I'm the girl who buys pants stores can't sell to anyone else, remember? (Come to think of it, I got my pink pants for a smokin' deal, too.) I can take the pants hatred.

Tell me what you think:Pants


on Daughters

Yesterday morning I woke up from a dream about being pregnant. The "I'm-pregnant" variety is my most common dream, and my favorite, even though in the dreams there is still a part of me that reacts just as I would if I were pregnant in real life: a mix of I can't be pregnant, I get to be pregnant again!, we can't afford another baby, I can't wait to feel it kick!, there's no space left in our house, will it be a girl!, it's not just financial but emotional, Yes, I get to plan and shop and make and buy and fold little tiny clothes again!, no, I'm too old and worn out. It's just, in the dreams, the negative stuff is quieter and the happy stuff more joyous, and even with the ache of reality behind the dreams, I hate waking up from them because the real ache of waking reality hurts more.

Then, at work, I helped a woman who had a newborn baby, her first child. Our elevators haven't been working, so I've been doing more running around for books for patrons, or carrying empty strollers down the stairs. For her, I just had to run upstairs to grab a book off the shelf, but in my still-remembering-the-dream feeling, what I really wanted to do was hold her baby while she went and got the book. Somewhere within the morning I remembered that since it was April 22, it was sort of an anniversary; fourteen years ago I brought Haley home from the hospital (back when insurance companies practiced the medieval torture rite of sending you home 24 hours after the baby was born) and began the real work of being a mom.

Part of me is glad I never have to be a first-time mom again. Remember how terrifying it was? The nurses hand you this tiny little bundle of flesh and send you on your way as if the knowledge of how to take care of the child will just be there, in your brain or your system or something mythical and magical and motherly. And maybe for some women, it does. For me, it was a bit harder. I remember feeling like they'd forgotten to pack the instruction manual with her, like it should have come wrapped in plastic with the afterbirth. And the first night home with Haley? It was awful. She was starving and my milk hadn't come in yet, and I was utterly sold on the idea presented by the nursing Nazis that if anything even vaguely resembling a bottle came within fifty yards of her mouth, she'd never nurse again. Finally, after I had a complete and utter meltdown at the changing table, weeping about how I should have never become a mother and I was destined to ruin her, Kendell took her, fed her a bottle, and put her at-last-asleep and very content self into her crib, and I got to sleep for a few hours.

After that first night, though, things got better. I figured out the nursing thing (something I was surprisingly good at. Overly abundantly, even, despite my, well, my lack of endowment!), I realized I had to figure it out my way, and I began to calm down a bit. First-time motherhood was still terrifying, but it started to become less about doing it the right way and more about how I felt taking care of my daughter. I can't even describe the head-over-heels-in-love feeling I had for Haley during those first few weeks, nor how it grew and blossomed into the closeness we had for the two years, nine months, and nine days when it was just me and her.

Someone asked me once, after Kaleb was born, if, could I chose to do it all over again, I'd like to end with my girl instead of start with her. (I am still trying to forgive that person for asking that because it was such a loaded question at a time I was already struggling with giving up on my desire for one more daughter.) But even if I could, I wouldn't switch it. I'm so grateful I got to have the relationship I did with her before the boys came along. Not because I don't love my boys---I do, in individual ways but not with any diminished amount--- but because it was this thing I got to have that I didn't know I would need. I thought, during the days when I only had Haley, that my life would turn out much differently than it has. I rested on assumptions about the future that turned out to be far from reality. That time of being a mother to a little girl was something I thought I'd do at least one more time. Despite the frequent pregnancy-dreams and despite how hard I hoped and prayed and yearned for another little girl, though, it wasn't ever going to happen. I feel blessed now, looking back, at the wisdom that gave me that time alone with just my little girl. It was exactly how it needed to be.

Fourteen years later, there are still things I desperately miss about little-girl Haley, but I also love, so much, the young woman she is becoming. Again it is hard to say with words how it feels. She is so different from me, so much stronger and more confident and able to deal with life. I often watch her and think how could such a creature have come from me? Motherhood is amazing. It is so good it hurts, but the hurt itself is even good. And while much of me still yearns for another little girl, a large part is just grateful that I got to have her at all.

After the patron with the newborn left, I did some shelf-reading in the poetry section. I came across a book of poems by Anne Stevenson, a poet I researched and wrote about extensively during my senior courses at BYU, but whom i've not read for awhile. It was a serendipitous find, because I flipped to this poem, which says part of what I can't say about having a daughter, and helps me feel reconnected to that hopeful and believing and non-jaded person I was fourteen years ago, showing up at home with my newborn daughter. It is good to remember she used to exist.

Poem for a Daughter
~Anne Stevenson

'I think I'm going to have it,'
I said, joking between pains.
The midwife rolled competent
sleeves over corpulent milky arms.
'Dear, you nave have it,
we deliver it.'
A judgment years proved true.
Certainly I've never had you

as you still have me, Caroline.
Why does a mother need a daughter?
Heart's needle, hostage to fortune,
freedom's end. Yet nothing's more perfect
than that bleating, razor-shaped cry
that delivers a mother to her baby.
The bloodcord snaps that held
their sphere together. The child,
tiny and alone, creates the mother.

A woman's life is her own
until it is taken away
by a particular cry.
Then she is not alone
but part of the premises
of everything there is:
a time, a tribe, a war.
When we belong to the world
we become what we are.


in the 5 minutes left of my birthday,

a few thoughts:

  • 37 is uncomfortably close to 40 BUT
  • I'm in way better physical shape than I was when I turned 36 and
  • Speaking of 36, I've lost that many pounds over the past 9 or so months, but
  • I'd still like to lose ten more in the 8 weeks before we leave for the beach;
  • I have wonderful friends who've been posting Happy Birthday wishes on Facebook all day which have REALLY made it a great day plus
  • my sisters each called or emailed to wish me a good day, not to mention
  • I got to talk to my almost-birthday-twin Chris, whose birthday was yesterday AND
  • My sweet friends Wendy and Candace each dropped off a wonderful gift PLUS
  • Haley ordered me to NOT COME HOME so I ran errands (like to the fabric store and the scrapbook store) all by myself, then came home to a mown lawn (Jake's first attempt at mowing and he did a great job!), a sparkling clean kitchen, a cute birthday sign (both by Haley and her friend Jade, with help from Nathan), a chocolate cake that *I* didn't make (thanks again, James!) complete with candles and the happy birthday song, and a brand-new, freezer-burn-free container of ice cream (Kendell stopped by Target on his way home)---
  • all of which made me cry of course, and feel like the most beloved person I know, which is rather a great way to feel on your birthday, and even made me get over Kendell being grumpy on such an auspicious day (it didn't hurt that he apologized, too); and I don't want to forget that:
  • the day was gorgeous; my mom told me yesterday that I was born on an also gorgeously spring-ish April 20, which made me feel all sorts of mother/daughter empathy +
  • my favorite jean skirt, which I've not been able to find for a couple of weeks, was just hanging a little wonky in my closet behind some stuff, not lost forever, and I found it this morning +
  • I was able to keep up my nine-minute-mile pace for all three miles of my run this morning +
  • we finally bit the bullet and got a new dishwasher (hooray for one that might, perchance, actually, you know, wash the dishes!) and an over-the-stove microwave (hooray for one that boils water in fewer than 2 1/2 minutes!) (hooray for Sears, which had an extra 5% off their appliances today!) +
  • my orange tulips were not wiped out by the snow, but just waiting for my birthday before they blossomed +
  • Kaleb and I went for a short walk this morning when I got home from running; I walked and he practiced his new-found skill at riding a scooter, and the image of the way he holds his back leg up while he balances seriously kept me cheery all day long + 
  • in a complete random moment I bumped into my mom at the mall; it's good to see your mother on your birthday (it helps me remember that it's her who got me here when she did, and with way more agony than I ever experienced getting my kids here; in fact, if you add up all my hours of labor, there are fewer of them than she experienced in her 36+ hours, pre-epidural, posterior-baby deliveries) +
  • While working on the teen science fiction list at the library today, I stumbled across this thought from Ray Bradbury (from Fahrenheit 451), which is one of those cosmic occurrences of a thing being heard that I needed to hear: "Do your own bit of saving, and if you drown, at least die knowing you were headed for shore." +
  • feeling like I am slowly but surely heading for the shore, even though I am 37.

And, now that I'm 22 minutes into 37, I think I'd better take my old but happy self off to bed!


Wastelands, Balms, Naked Women, and Other Stuff About Poetry

The opening  image of T. S. Eliot’s “The Wasteland” is a poetic line almost everyone knows: “April is the cruelest month.” It pops up in goofy places—tax websites, the dreadful exams week at college, the clever meteorologist’s “it’s snowing” commentary. But Eliot wasn’t being goofy; he was setting the tone of his poem by bashing expectation right from the start. That April isn’t all hyacinths and baa-ing lambs, like we might expect a poem to tell us, clues you in to one of “The Wasteland’s” major themes: life is made out of death.

I’ve been thinking more about T. S. Eliot these days than I have since my time at college. Well, and about poetry in general, and about some specific poems and poets. It’s really Becky’s fault; a few weeks ago, way back on a dark March Friday, we were talking, and I was listing off all the books I’d read lately, making a point about why I was feeling dark and twisty. What hit me, when we got off the phone, is that I hadn’t told her about a single book of poetry, because I hadn’t read a single book of poetry in I-can’t-remember-how-long. I decided right then that in April—the cruelest month, but also National Poetry Month—I would only read poetry (in addition, of course, to my continually-trying approaches to daily scriptures). And, aside from one novel which I sort of had to read because I lucked into a copy without which I would have had to wait for months, I’ve done just that. Plus, I’ve tried to include some little (or bigger) bit of poetry in all my blog posts this month.

Eliot’s line continues to worm around my brain. Not just that first, well-known line, but the complete first image: “April is the cruellest month, breeding / Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing/ Memory and desire, stirring/ Dull roots with spring rain./ Winter kept us warm, covering/ Earth in forgetful snow, feeding / A little life with dried tubers.”  Dull, dead, forgetful, dried; the way that winter kept us paradoxically warm and forgetful: this image is, to me, a powerful bit of writing, conveying depression without ever saying the word. And while my scripture-reading achieves something important, it’s only through the reading of poetry that I’ve realized how metaphorically winter-esque my spirit has been. April—or the thing that strives to wake you—is the cruelest because, as it mixes memory and desire, it creates hope (those blooming lilacs), and hope is painful.

None of this is to suggest that I’m needing a prescription for Prozac, but just to say that I needed waking up, needed to shed my winter, and it was re-reading Eliot’s poem that made me see my recent bout of dark-and-twisty. The only other writing that’s as curative as scripture, poems seem to achieve a focusing in me that is also scripture-esque. The idea goes that all the answers to life’s questions can be found in holy words and that, by studying and pondering, you find what you need to know. We hear the stories at church so often of someone opening their scriptures to a random spot, beginning to read, and discovering their answer. Over and over, I find that poetry
focuses my problems in the same way. Not, exactly, with answers, but with, at least, balms. Seamus Heaney says that one of the questions poetry tries to answer is “how with this rage shall beauty hold a plea?” How, in other words, is there room in the world for poems when so much is consumed by “rage”—war, poverty, starvation, cruelty? He says the answer is that poetry must offer “befitting emblems of adversity.” Poems, in other words, that don’t just describe the lilacs but give space for suffering; poems that use beauty to create an elegy for adversity. In my life, those emblems of adversity, like the random spot in the scriptures, arrive at the time I need them.

Take this example. Maybe six or seven months ago, Kendell and I had our annual “why do you spend so much time reading?” argument, the one that leaves me feeling stripped to my very core—my seemingly very faulty core. In the aftermath I found myself vaguely remembering a short story I’d once read, about a teenage girl whose mother had the unfortunate and bewildering (to the teenage girl) habit of running, in her very gauzy nightgown, through their neighborhood at midnight. I don’t remember the title or the author or even the point of the story, but I do remember that image: the slightly-off mother in her white gown and bare feet, racing nearly-naked down the street where she lived. It came to me in that moment of uncertainty because, for the first time in my life, I understood the mother’s impulse. I felt like running through the dark, completely naked, not in a spirit of joy or even of exhibition but because it felt like the response to have, felt like night against nakedness might be the thing to heal what was hurting.

A few days later (I managed, by the way, to not run around my neighborhood in any form of nakedness, something I am certain the neighbors are extremely grateful for), when I could read again without feeling guilty (recriminations and apologies and a few nights of sleeping on it having done their trick), I picked up an anthology of poems I’d brought home from the library, flipped through it without much purpose, and let it open where the spine was cracked. And it
happened to be this poem:

Naked
~ Jennifer Michael Hecht

The reason you so often in literature have a naked woman
walk out of her house that way, usually older, in her front garden
or on the sidewalk, oblivious, is because of exactly how I feel right now.

You tend to hear about how it felt to come upon such a mythical beast,
the naked woman on the street, the naked man in a tree, and that makes
sense because it is wonderful to take the naked woman by the hand

And know that you will remember that moment for the rest of your life
because of what it means, the desperation, the cataclysm of what it takes
to leave your house naked or to take off your clothes in the tree.

It feels good to get the naked man to come down from there by a series
of gentle commands and take him by the elbow or her by the hand and
lead him to his home like you would care for a bird or a human heart.

Still if you want instead, for once, to hear about how the person came to be
standing there, naked, outside, you should talk to me right now, quickly,
before I forget the details of this way that I feel. I feel like walking out.

There it was, exactly: the poem I needed to read and just the moment I needed it; the emblem of my small adversity offered up, beauty in the place of rage. Also: magic. I don’t know how the magic happens, how I stumble upon a poem I need when I need it, but it does. The poet
Brendan Kennelly (I seem to be stuck with the Irish poets today, don’t I?) writes that  “Poetry is, above all, a singing art of natural and magical connection because, though it is born out of one person's solitude, it has the ability to reach out and touch in a humane and warmly illuminating way the solitude, even the loneliness, of others.”  There are many poetic-device things I love about Hecht’s poem—like the way most of it focuses on your response to the idea of the naked man or woman, how you might handle such a situation, rather than the elephant in the poem, the thing no one wants to look at but yet can’t stop eyeing, just from the periphery (and just as we might both look and not look, want to and not want to look, at an actual naked human striding around our suburban normalcy): the naked woman. By not ever telling us how the woman feels, but inviting us to ask her, the poem lets the reader connect. But I love even more that it simply exists, and that someone else has felt “this way that I feel.” And I love that the poem came to me at the right time, a balm.

I’m not sure exactly when I forgot I needed to read poems. I think it has to do with work, because when I do get a question that’s about books, it’s never (literally:  never) about books of poems. I want to be able to quickly and confidently recommend a novel to a patron, want to have read more than I have, and reading poems in that context seems pointless. A waste of time. No one will ask me to recommend a poem to them. But I know this: I needed to be reminded. I needed the coincidence of a random anthology I took out from the library’s poetry section because (honestly) I liked the typesetting on the cover, and I liked the title; needed the random fact that “The Wasteland” was included in it. Needed T. S. Eliot’s work to be an emblem of the lack of feeling the lack of poetry engendered.


I Loved That Tree

This morning we woke up to 10" of snow.

Ten inches!!!!!!!!!!!!

It started snowing yesterday. When I got home from work our flowering plum tree, which had just blossomed on Monday, had limbs so coated with snow they were almost touching the ground. So I went out and got off as much of the snow as I could. I did it again last night before I went to bed. But apparently my wimpy human efforts were for naught, compared to mother nature's might.

The odd thing: last week, when I was out running, I ran past someone else's flowering plum, which already had its blossoms, and I had the strongest thought: as soon as mine blossoms, I should take some pictures of it. I love the way it looks when it blooms, the bright- (but not hot-) pink flowers with their tiny maroon stamens against the finally-blue of the spring sky.

I should have followed that prompting. Because when we woke up this morning, it looked like this:

Snowy tree 01 

An alternate view. There was very little snow underneath the tree, the blossoms were already so thick:

Snowy tree 02

What you can't see in the photo is that almost all of the major branches are cracked or broken. While Kendell was shoveling, I went into the back so I could take a picture of the snow piled on the table, a ruler nearly buried in the snow, and I saw my lilac bush. In another month or so, it would have looked like this:

Snowy lilac before 

But this morning it looked like this:

Snowy lilac 

It was so burdened by snow that it was pulled out of the ground. My lilac bush! I'm sad. Is it crazy that I nearly cried? I mean...I know it's only a plant. I can replace it (although it took me forever to find that kind of lilac, with the edges of the blossoms lined in white). If the tree is too damaged and we have to cut it down, we can get a new one. But I loved that tree, that bush. So many memories hang on their images. The tree, for me, is synonymous with Haley's birthday, since it always blooms that week, so it's not just a tree but a metaphor for my daughter: feminine, colorful, delicate; full of contrasts and details. And the lilac bush...I've taken spring pictures in front of it for so many years. I will miss it!

This afternoon, now that the snow has started melting, the flowering plum looks like this:Snowy tree 03

You can really see one of the broken branches on the right side, and on the top (before the storm, it was round and full, not lopsided and haggard). But it also looks better than I thought it would. I guess we'll trim off the broken branches and see what happens. I hope it can recuperate. 


I Feel Like I'm Forgetting Something.

Confession: I’ve always wondered about people taking photos with their cell phones. I wonder: maybe they’re like my sister, who for years was content with using disposable cameras. Maybe they’re just not as camera/photo obsessed as I am. Or maybe their cell phone takes WAY better photos than mine! Who am I to judge their motivations? But when I see cell-phone cameras going off, it always makes me say a little prayer of gratitude that we were able to scrimp and save so that I could get a camera I love.

I never thought that the motivation of a person taking a picture with a cell phone was that she forgot her other camera at home. Not until Monday, when I took my kids to the zoo (on what might just be the only spring-warm day during their spring break. We got two inches of snow today!) and realized, once I’d driven the hour it took to get there, that I had left my camera at home.

Seriously.

I felt like I could throw up, I was so annoyed at myself. I go almost nowhere without my camera. Lots of times, when I’m not sure if it would be too weird to take pictures where I am going, I’ll bring it but leave it in the car. Just in case someone asks. (I took it to Chris’s grandma’s funeral, for example. I didn’t take any pictures though.) I’ve become fairly attached to getting our experiences down on film. (Well, on memory card, to be more precise.) But I didn’t realize just how much I tend to view the world in potential photographs until Monday at the zoo. I probably said “I can’t believe I left my camera home” five hundred times. Haley, busy snapping photos with my cell phone, was sympathetic at first, then annoyed with me. “We know, Mom!” she said, so I stopped saying it.

But I continued to think it.

In fact, experiencing the zoo without a camera gave me an epiphany. Does my photography penchant get in the way of me experiencing things fully? Do I need to strive for more balance? Is it weird that I look at the world in terms of photographs? I think the answer to all of those questions is yes. But I’m not sure I can enjoy experiences without photographing them, honestly. Were I to force myself to not bring my camera, I would just be annoyed and resentful. Which makes me wonder: Just why is it that I don’t just want to take pictures, I need to?

For one thing, I think that what is photographed is better remembered. This preserve-the-moment impulse has only gotten stronger as I’ve gotten older. Since Dad’s Alzheimer’s diagnosis, I have developed an abiding fear of forgetting things. I take pictures to not forget. The poet Dana Gioia says that “the trick is making memory a blessing,” and taking pictures helps me almost accomplish that; those moments when, looking through pictures, someone says “I forgot about that!” or “look how small I was!” or even “our trees were that small once?” bless me by adding layers upon layers to experiences. You have the experience, and then you have the experiences of remembering the experience, and the remembering makes it richer.

But it’s not only preserving the moment that feeds my desire for photographs; it’s also the need to create something beautiful—to make an image that leaves an aesthetic impression. I’m far from being even a passably-good photographer, but I still try to capture photographs (instead of snapshots). Even if I’m trying to preserve the moment, I am also simultaneously trying to make something pretty. But I also end up with a lot of shots that have no memory value at all, pictures in which I try to channel my inner Dewitt Jones (a photographer whose philosophy about creativity I both admire and heartily agree with; click on that link to read what I mean). I try to bring my vision, my way of seeing the world to the pictures I take. Making something pretty, or interesting, or arresting, makes me happy.

Plus, taking pictures is a form of time travel, a way of ensuring that the now (which will soon become the past) is still accessible in the future. I’m making sure that tomorrow I’ll be able to revisit, in a way, what I am experiencing today. I can open up the photos of Kaleb taken when he was thirty seconds old and instantly remember how I felt. I can look at the photos of Haley’s 11-year-old trip and see, by her facial expressions and body language, how she still felt that hanging out with me was the best place to be, and it is so good to have a visual representation of that time. There is so much in life, and I want to savor it all, want it to not be lost along the way, want it to stay with me, and photographs are almost the only way I know to accomplish that.

But there was a second part to my no-camera-at-the-zoo epiphany. We wandered the trails, and there were a multitude of moments when, if I’d had it, I’d’ve lifted my camera to my eye: the way the cheetah paced along the perimeter of his enclosure, a sleek, lithe, proud thing; the giraffe sitting so elegantly in the dirt that he remind me of a piece of Victorian furniture, intricate and detailed and delicate; the ocelot standing at her full height in her windowed cage, scratching at the glass in the language of desperate paws. Elephants standing on their hind legs to reach their hay, the tiger lifting its head to catch my eye and then lie back down, the cougar prowling in restless circles. The shyness of the orangutan. And of course the people moments, like when I looked down at Kaleb and he was walking next to me with a water bottle tucked underneath his arm so he could hold his zoo map with both hands. Haley watching Eve, the baby orangutan, swing her monkey gymnastics along the length and height of her tree. Jacob sitting next to me with his arm around my shoulder while we watched the elephants eat. Nathan’s disappointment that the lion drinking fountains were turned off, and the way the red-and-green parrot’s conversation—what’s your name?—cheered him up.

I want pictures of all of those moments, and of the myriad other things I could blog about, and of the things I’ve already forgotten.

But then, the epiphany. Kaleb dropped his ice cream cone—he had just the bottom left, and a little blob of ice cream. And without any prompting or even hesitation, Nathan said “it’s OK, Kaleb. You can have mine.”

How do you photograph that? You don’t, of course. At that’s when I remembered that there is an older technology I can use, too: words. Pictures capture something I can’t always recreate with words, but words can recreate the things I can’t turn into pictures. And just like I am fearfully grateful for my camera (fearful because I am afraid if I love it too much, it will be taken away from me), and obsessively afraid of forgetting anything, I am beset with gratitude that there is such a thing as words, and as writing. I almost wrote that words, unlike cameras, can’t be left at home, can never be taken away, but I also know that’s not true, either. My dad doesn’t have any words left. So I’ll keep on taking pictures, but I will also remind myself that writing does the same thing from a slightly different perspective, and will continue being grateful for photos and for words but, more than anything, for zoo days—for experiences I want to remember.


So Much Depends Upon the White Chicken

[None of your calories count today if you know which poem and poet I'm slanting at in my title.]

On Monday night, when I was trying to figure out what to fix for dinner, our neighbor stopped by to talk computer with Kendell, and I asked him what he made for dinner (testosterone cooks at their house, how nice would that be?). He'd made chicken tacos, which sounded great, only the conversation drifted back into computer geek before I could ask him what he put in his. So yesterday, still thinking that chicken tacos sounded yummy, I invented my own recipe.

And it turned out to be delicious! And super easy! And chock full of hidden nutritional things that, if they weren't blended into oblivion, would give my children hives. (Not real hives, but "I can't eat THAT, it's too lumpy/gross/disgusting/tomato-y" hives.) As it was, everyone ate without complaining, and a few wee ones actually complimented the chef.

I think I'll make these again!

Amy's Chicken Tacos

1 can black beans
1 24-oz jar salsa
3 1/2-ish pounds chicken
1 can chicken broth
sprinkle of dried red pepper flakes
sprinkles of cumin, cilantro, and chili powder

Blend the beans (don't drain them) until all hint of chunky bean-ness has dissolved; do the same with salsa. Combine with the chicken broth and spices (which I didn't measure!) in a crock pot. Remove all offending parts from chicken. Place into crock pot, add 1 cup water, stir, and cook on low for about 4-5 hours.

Remove chicken from broth. Shred, then return to broth. Turn your crock pot up to high and bring to a boil, letting the broth absorb into the chicken.

Serve with tortillas, corn, guac, cheese, sour cream, tomatoes, lettuce, and whatever else floats your taco boat.

Happy eating!


Literary FYI: William Wordsworth

Today (April 7...it might be yesterday by the time I get this written!) is the poet William Wordsworth's birthday. I know: it's a fact that will stop your life in its tracks, causing you to break out in unfettered joy. For certain.

I've just spent a good half-hour trying to write about why Wordsworth's birthday would matter to anyone. But it's coming out all stuffy and scholarly and boring; details about the Romantic period in writing, and his Lyrical Ballads, and how his poems revolutionized poetic thought are hard to write about in a bloggerly way. So, here I go: I'm going to delete all the drivel, and just say this: 

I was thinking about poetry tonight after work, and about the things I studied for my Bachelor's, and how happy it made me to finally be learning about literary stuff. At work, we were talking about the value of a humanities degree, and while the world definitely doesn't place much value on learning about books, ideas, philosophies, or ways of thinking critically, I still value it. Studying different historical periods and movements in literature felt like putting together a puzzle for me; all my life I'd heard or read about things like romanticism, or the Victorian era, or feminism, but I didn't really understand it. Whether or not the world in general values it or even cares (and, trust me: it doesn't), some of my life's best experiences came in my college English classes.

And maybe the world is right: maybe my knowledge of the romantics doesn't do much for me. It certainly hasn't brought me much money! But I still cherish what Wordsworth brought into my life, the knowledge of people who paid attention, and wrestled with words, and did both things in an attempt to make art---to create something larger than themselves. Wordsworth is a case-in-point of that idea: More than 200 years after his first poems were published, and nearly 16 decades after his death, I'm here, thinking about his poems, his ideas, his life, and in that way he continues to matter, even thought the mattering is pretty small compared to things like recessions and presidents, basketball madness and whether or not Jessica Simpson is still hot or not.

Maybe it would be seasonally appropriate to share his daffodil poem, considering how the lines "they flash upon that inward eye/which is the bliss of solitude" are some of my favorites, and especially how my daffodils were particularly gorgeous today, when it finally warmed up. But I'm going to share my favorite Wordsworth sonnet instead, just because I love it so much and because I want someone else to think about the poem today (or tomorrow), too. It says much that I feel but cannot say in another way.

THE world is too much with us: late and soon,
Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers:
Little we see in Nature that is ours;
We have given our hearts away, a sordid boon!
This Sea that bares her bosom to the moon;
The winds that will be howling at all hours,
And are up-gathered now like sleeping flowers;
For this, for everything, we are out of tune;
It moves us not. -- Great God! I'd rather be
A Pagan suckled in a creed outworn;
So might I, standing on this pleasant lea,
Have glimpses that would make me less forlorn;
Have sight of Proteus rising from the sea;
Or hear old Triton blow his wreathèd horn.

Solitary Run

I was feeling a little bit sorry for myself at the start of the half marathon I ran on Saturday. For one, the cool-but-sunny morning I had hoped for hadn’t happened. Instead it was freezing: low thirties with intermittent snow. And not just snow, but spitting snow, splayed through the air by bitter wind. Plus, I wasn’t sure I was ready. No; I was certain I wasn’t ready. My longest run since my last half was only seven miles. I was afraid my ITB would start to hurt, or that I wouldn’t have enough stamina to finish. But what really had me gloomy was a little bit of down-right pathetic loneliness. My friend who I’d planned to ride to the race with had decided not to run it. And even if she had come, she’s much faster than I am, so it’s not as if we’d have run the race together. As I walked from the parking lot to the starting line (bundled up in a wind breaker, a long-sleeve, insulated turtleneck running shirt, gloves, and ear warmers, yet already shivering), it seemed like everyone around me had someone to run with: husbands and wives, big groups of friends. Wouldn’t it be nice, I thought, to have a friend to run with? Someone with a similar pace and a similar crazy desire to run long distances, even in the cold?

I wasn’t sure what to do with my race number. Usually I pin it somewhere low on my shirt, but I didn’t want it underneath my jacket; plus, there was the off chance that it would magically warm up, and I could unzip my jacket—which would be problematic if my number was pinned across the front of it. Plus I couldn’t stand the thought of listening to it crinkle and rustle in the wind. I’ve a weird thing about sounds when I’m running. I don’t carry a water bottle, for example, because the sound of the water sloshing around with each step makes me want to hurl. A number rustling in the wind would make me equally nauseous. So I walked up to a complete stranger—an older, grandmotherly-type woman even more bundled than I—and asked her to pin my number on my back. I asked another complete stranger where to put my timer, as I’ve never run a race with one. (It goes around your ankle. Good to know.) And that, dear reader, was the extent of my race conversations.

So I wasn’t very cheery or optimistic when the gun went off. Except—it is hard to maintain gloom when you’re running in a big group of cheering runners, even if you feel like you’re the only one there without a friend. The cold began dissipating as I began to run, and even with the course’s only real uphill, I managed an exactly-nine-minute pace for the first mile. I didn’t even turn on my music, just ran and thought, trying to find my stride, listening to the voices around me, blurred from individual words to sound by my ear warmers. The swish of my jacket, the staccato of feet hitting the pavement, that tiny sound a snowflake makes, falling on your shoulder. Suddenly the cold seemed perfect; my cheeks were stinging with the snow, and occasionally my eyelashes filled up with it, but the rest of me was pleasantly warm.

The miles slid past. The first three felt fast and easy; by mile four I had slowed down a bit, the road’s berm beginning to take its inevitable toll on my ITB, starting the painful numbness along the bottom outside of my knee that's something akin to that feeling you get when you bump your elbow on something—but nothing too painful. I turned my music on, took a bite of Cliff Blok and a gulp of water at the four-mile water station, and settled into my run. Despite the cold, the nervy knee pain, the want of a running friend, I found that place in my head, the one that makes me love running, a quiet zone that must, by its very definition, be void of the negativity that’s usually sprinting around in my head. It’s not even a place that’s filled with encouragement. It’s just...quiet.

At about seven and a half miles, though, my body was like "OK, that’s as far as we need to go. That’s as far as we usually go. That’s as far as we’ve gone for a long, long time. That’s as far as we’re going. Really? We’re going to keep going?" and my quads were starting to sing an unpleasant tune. My quiet place slipped away. This part of the race was on a country road weaving through cold fields. Horses galloped their own races, up to and away from the road, a course only instinct could show them. Then it met up with the lower part of the Provo River Trail, which I’ve never been on, a tunnel through still-naked trees and swampy bits of marshes, then houses. Out of my quiet spot, I had to coax myself not to stop, and my pace became a mantra: keep going, keep going. Every once in awhile, a huddled group of people would appear on the side of the trail, cheering the runners on. As I ran, and ran, and ran, I started thinking about my loneliness at the beginning of the race. I watched the three girls I’d been following for the past two miles, listened to their voices, saw the way their strides all matched. But I wasn’t lonely anymore.

Instead, I remembered: this is what I do. Most things, for me, aren’t about doing with someone else. Mostly I am alone. And it wouldn’t matter, anyway, even if I’d come to that race with 18 other friends who also ran some miles in nine minutes and others in eleven, because in the end, everyone has to run the race on her own. The friend next to you can’t run it for you. No one else could be that voice in my head, the one saying keep going, keep going. No one else but me could hush the "you’re not strong enough to do this" voice. No one else but me could make me just keep going. And probably I wasn’t getting enough oxygen, but it started to feel like that’s how life is, too, not just running. People at your side make it easier. The cheering of spectators along the way gives you bits and bursts of energy. The thought of someone waiting for you at the finish line helps pull you along. But no one else runs the race. Just you, alone, pushing along.

I found a long-buried poem, C.P Cavafy 's "The Road to Ithaca," surfacing in my mind. "Hope your road is long," I kept thinking, instead of keep going. I had started with Laistrygonians in my soul, had brought along my demons, but I had dropped them along the way. Exhausted, my legs wanting to stop, I didn’t want the race to end, didn’t want to get to the finish line. I wanted instead to keep running, to keep wanting to get to the end, to keep anticipating it while I grew "rich with all I gained on the way." To have the running be the point of everything, and not the end of running. But it came anyway, the end. I ran the last block, looking for Kendell and the kids, and when I saw them at the finish line I nearly cried I was so glad to see them—to know I managed the race alone, as I had to, but also not alone, because they were waiting for me, filled with a new knowledge that life is always like that, that everyone is both alone and not alone, and that there are people cheering us on, and that someone is always waiting for us at the end.

"The Road to Ithaca"
~ C. P. Cavafy

When you set out for Ithaka 
ask that your way be long,
full of adventure, full of instruction.
The Laistrygonians and the Cyclops,
angry Poseidon - do not fear them:
such as these you'll never find
as long as your thoughts is lofty, as long as a rare
emotion touch your spirit and your body.
The Laistrygonians and the Cyclops,
angry Poseidon - you will not meet them
unless you carry them in your soul,
unless your soul raise them up before you.


Ask that your way be long.
At many a summer dawn to enter
- with what gratitude, what joy - ports seen for the first time;
to stop at Phoenician trading centres,
and to buy good merchandise,
mother of pearl and coral, amber and ebony,
and sensuous perfumes of every kind,
sensuous perfumes as lavishly as you can;
to visit many Egyptian cities,
to gather stores of knowledge from the learned.


Have Ithaka always in your mind.
Your arrival there is what you are destined for.
But do not in the least hurry the journey.
Better that it lasts for years,
so that when you reach the island you are old,
rich with all the you gained on the way,
not expecting Ithaka to give you wealth.

Ithaka gave you the splendid journey.
Without her you would not have set out.
She hasn't anything else to give you.
And if you find her poor, Ithaka has not deceived you. 
So wise have you become, of such experience
that already you will have understood what these Ithakas mean.