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A Little Blog Challenge: Windfall

Sophia thought this question would make a good blog challenge: If you won the all-time jackpot lottery today, share how it would change your lifestyle and list ten material things that you would buy. Who hasn't wished for an unexpected windfall? I think it's a fun thing to ponder.

How would it change my lifestyle? I'd like to discover whether or not the solving of the things that bug me about our current finances would really affect our happiness. I would definitely do more things for my kids, like more lessons and traveling. I would have one more baby. But I think the biggest change would be to Kendell's lifestyle, because he could at last leave the job he is grateful for but doesn't like.

The things I would buy:

  1. A dream home? Maybe. There are tons of things I'd love to change about my current house. A dream house would have a gym in it, with a set of bars (you know...the gymnastics thing). A cool scrapbooking room. A little, high room with lots of windows that would be for writing and thinking. But, in many ways, our current location is a dream. Namely, our kids have tons of friends. I'm not sure I'd trade that for something bigger!
  2. A big, big truck for Kendell. Whatever he wanted---he's been so good about letting me have the new vehicle while he carpools or drives his ancient (1972!) truck.
  3. A boat. I grew up with a boat and wish we could have one. I love water skiing!
  4. A Mustang. I am totally not a car girl. As long as what I drive is reliable and has air conditioning and a few little luxuries, I'm happy. BUT---I've always loved Mustangs. I'd get the fastest one they sell, in silver.
  5. Travel, travel, and more travel.
  6. A laundress. Honestly...I don't yearn for a housekeeper. And I don't mind most parts about doing laundry; sorting, carting it all downstairs to the laundry room, running the machine, folding and putting away. But, I absolutely DETEST hanging up the clothes I don't want to be wrinkled. And I just downright REFUSE to iron. So, I'd have the laundress doing those things.
  7. Speaking of laundry: clean sheets. EVERY SINGLE DAY! Don't you love the feeling of crawling into clean sheets?
  8. Education. OK, that doesn't really qualify as "material." But, a sudden windfall would pave the way for more school. See, I'm such a geek. I really do want to go back to school and get my PhD.

I must be unimaginative. Or fairly happy with my life---because I can only think of eight things!


A Scrappin' Momma Couldn't Be More Proud

This blog post could only be better if I could take a picture. Alas, my camera battery is charging. But I will write about it anyway.

So. Miss Haley has entered, officially, the Realm of Prepubescent Behavior. Travel too far down that road, Missy, and you end up grounded, torn away from the comfort of your friends. Which is just what happened to Haley over the weekend. But she's the kind of person who makes lemonade with her lemons. There she was, grounded from friends, stuck in a house with an annoyed mom. What's a smart girl to do? Scrapbook, of course. She spent an hour clicking through photos, deciding what she wanted to use, and another hour riffling through paper, stickers, ribbon, stamps, ink, and cardstock, picking out the perfect supplies.

But the thing that made this Momma the most proud? Her journaling. Written all by herself, with only the donation of "stupendous" from me. Tonight, her words. Tomorrow (when the battery's charged), her layout.

Stupendous, Unbelievable, Majestic, Magical, Energetic, Rare. All of these make up summer. It’s when schools out, flowers are blooming, trees are thriving and kids are having fun. It’s when it's a hundred degrees outside and never rains. Its when everybody is tan and wears bikinis. S-u-m-m-e-r summer, definitely the best time of the year.

Isn't that gorgeous? I love her sentence structure and use of repetition. I love that she used the right apostrophes and spelled "definitely" correctly. I love her specific things---she doesn't just say she loves summer, she says why. Yay her.  Now, my only problem: while she was working on her layout, I heard her say to herself, "Oh, I'm so glad I got grounded today!" Not a very effective punishment. Must work on that!


Groovy

Remember when you were in sixth grade, and on Fridays the question was never "should we go to the roller-skating rink?" but, instead "when should I meet you at the roller-skating rink?" Back when agility and confidence went hand-in-hand, when eyeshadow was still forbidden, and romance not much more than what you watched on The Love Boat. You'd speed around the rink, hair flying, dodging couples holding hands, hoping they'd play that song by Journey again. You were the queen of the backwards skate and didn't hesitate at all when you went around the curve of the rink.

Remember that feeling?

Me neither. Well, until a few nights ago. Kendell and I went to a friend's fortieth birthday party. His wife had planned a fantastic surprise party for him, with a 1970s theme. She rented the roller-skating rink for a few hours, bought a John Travolta standing poster (the kind with holes in it for faces and silly pictures), dug out her Polaroid camera. She also had a couple of games planned. We laughed, we ate, we talked. And we roller skated.

Yep, that's right: I, Amy Sorensen, strapped on a pair of roller skates and stepped out onto the rink. I've not roller skated since late 1989, when the famous Nifty's Fifty Restaurant opened up and I occasionally served food on roller skates. And I'd not thought about those middle-school memories of the roller-skating rink for at least two decades. But my muscles, it seems, held on to the memories, because after a shaky start, I found myself navigating that rink fairly well---albeit a little slowly, and gingerly, with my arm occasionally flying up to catch my balance. I even remembered that lift-cross-push thing you do to take the curve. Jake and Haley also came to the party, since they are good friends with Ernie's kids, and I think they thought it was awesome to skate with their mom.

Ooooh, and, I can't forget: I won the costume prize! I had nothing very groovy in the way of bell-bottoms and polyester, but I managed to unearth a hippie costume. Thanks going out to my friend Chris, who loaned the costume to Haley last Halloween AND who is patient enough to not care that I've forgotten to return it to her at least a million times. My prize was a lava lamp night light which I cannot open yet, as my kids keep fighting over it. (My friend joked that I'd be perfect if I just had a doobie tucked behind my ear, lol!)

Arguments, pretend psychedelics, and all modesty aside, though (not to mention my leg muscles, which were surprisingly exhausted after two hours of skating), this was a good, fun night. A step out of the ordinary for me! Here's a picture:
Roller_rink


Summer's Here!, a "Huhn," And the Blog Challenge

First, for the recipe. When I woke up this morning, the first thing that seeped into my still-wanting-to-be-asleep brain (Kaleb thinks that 6:00 is a dandy time to wake up each morning) was the fact that today was the first day of summer. I decided on the spot to cancel the meal I had planned for tonight (cheesy chicken and rice, if you were curious!) and have hamburgers and pasta salad instead. I told the kids about dinner while they were eating breakfast, and each one of them told me several times during the day, "Mom, I can't wait for dinner!" Because, unlike 90% of the meals I cook, everyone loves hamburgers and my pasta salad. I got the recipe from someone on a scrapbooking board years ago---at least five---so maybe I can't really claim this is "my" recipe. Except it's become a signature dish, the thing friends always ask me to bring to summer barbeques. And when I scooped up the first delectable bite, I realized that, without a doubt, summer's here! Here's the recipe:

Pasta Salad
1 box farfalle
1 red onion
1/3 lb pepperoni, sliced about 1/4" thick
1/3 lb salami, sliced about 1/4" thick
2-3 slices cheddar cheese, sliced about 1/4" thick
2-3 slices swiss cheese, sliced about 1/4" thick
3/4 cup grape tomatoes, sliced in half
1 can olives, sliced into thirds
1 bottle Bernstein's 4-Cheese Italian Dressing
1 bottle Bernstein's Low-Fat 4-Cheese Italian Dressing
1 handful-ish fresh parmesan cheese, grated

Boil the pasta; run cold water over it to cool. Dice the onion, salami, pepperoni, and cheeses into small pieces (I always have the deli do the slicing, and then I just have to do the dicing, which saves a step). Slice the olives and tomatoes. Toss everything in a big bowl (I use that big Tupperware bowl because this recipe does make an enormous salad). Pour about 1/3 of each of the dressings into the ingredients and toss until evenly coated. This the to-your-own-taste part. Serve with the parmesan cheese sprinkled on top. Bask in everyone's admiration!

Next, my "huhn." You know that sound...when something mildy surprises you? Tonight, Kaleb and I went for a bike ride. Near to our house is a large park with soccer fields and a trail around it. At least, they're usually soccer fields. Tonight, they were frisby fields. I had no idea that frisby is a team sport until I rounded the corner and saw two frisby teams going at it on the field. I say "going at it" because this was intense competition. Cheering from the sidelines, team colors, angry shouts, and that chest-banging thing that men do. I stopped to watch for a minute because I was so surprised and intrigued! And to look at Kaleb and say "huhn."

Finally, the Blog Challenge. Sophia posted this at 2peas. I thought it was an interesting set of questions so I'm answering them!

1. FIRST NAME?  Amy
2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Yes. Amy for my mom's grandma.
3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? Sunday night when I was writing in my journal.
4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Not so much. It's passable, but isn't very attractive. And it's not even quirky-unattractive. It's just...ehhhh.
5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Right now, it's brown-sugar ham, but I am an inconsistent lunch-meat lover; next week it might be turkey.
6. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? Yes; four.
7. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Well...I'd either be very good friends with someone just like me, or I would detest her, you know?
8. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? Yes---in addition to my blog! I've kept a journal since sixth grade. Not every day, but at least once a week.
9. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? Yes. I definitely have a sarcastic tongue, but I have to be careful to not use it with my kids!
10. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? yes
11. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? hmmmm...not sure. I would rather sky dive than bungee jump, but if I were in a situation where it was a possibility, I'd bungee. Heights don't bother me.
13. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Yes, nearly always, because when my kids don't untie their shoes---and then do the jam-your-feet-into-your-already-tied-shoes thing, I get a little annoyed, and then I have to hold my sarcastic tongue. I'm trying to set a good example here!
14. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Physically, sort of. Emotionally, depends on what you mean by "strong."
15. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? Like the lunch-meat question: I'm ice-creamly irreliable. Maybe I'm even an ice cream slut. 'Cause I'll eat nearly any ice cream, as long as it is Breyer's or Dreyer's. Does that make me a snobby ice-cream slut? Right now in my freezer I have mint chocolate chip, rocky road, vanilla, chocolate/vanilla/strawberry, cookies and cream, and cookie dough. OK, maybe I just have an ice-cream monkey on my back???
16. SHOE SIZE? 8.5. My feet have gotten longer with every one of my pregnancies (oddly, not wider though). We must stop having babies or stores will no longer carry my shoe size.
17. RED OR PINK? Pink. Except for Runts.Pink Runts are gross.
18. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? I don't think I can pick just one. But at the top of the list is definitely shyness/social awkwardness.
19. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? Definitely my grandma Kay.
20. WHEN AND WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Provo, Utah, April 20, 1972
21. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Denim shorts and blue fuzzy slippers.
22. WHAT IS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? An ice cream sandwich. Told you. I have serious ice cream issues.
23. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? Random playlist on my PC; Dave Matthews' "Space Between." Dang, I love Dave Matthews."All I can do with my love is hope it don't take this ship down." I'll even forgive that subject/verb disagreement...
24 IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? hmmmm...I'd be pink but I'd be wishing I were teal or orange.
25. FAVORITE SMELL? Babies, lilacs, lemon, the concrete right at the beginning of a rainstorm.
26. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED WITH ON THE PHONE? Sophia.
27. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU MEET? Eyes/face---do they look kind? And then hands. Not sure why on the hands.
28. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? I can stand on my toe knuckles.
29. FAVORITE DRINK? Pepsi.
30. FAVORITE SPORT? Running. Used to be a gymnast though.
31. HAIR COLOR? Brown. Before I had Haley, though, it was blonde, and it's gotten darker with each pregnancy!
32. EYE COLOR? Brown. Incidentally, I am the only in-law in my husband's family who doesn't have blonde hair and blue eyes. I polluted their gene pool....oops.
33. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Yep. Or glasses every once in awhile.
34. FAVORITE FOOD? Surprisingly, not ice cream. Pasta in nearly any form.
35. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDING? Depends on my mood.
36. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants---yesterday at the gym.
37. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? White T-shirt from the 2004 Freedom Run.
38. SUMMER OR WINTER? Winter
39. HUGS OR KISSES? Hugs are OK. Usually I feel like Julia Roberts did on Pretty Woman about kissing. Unless you happen to be a baby or one of my children. Then I like kisses.
40. FAVORITE DESSERT? Anything chocolate, although a flawless apple pie with melted cheddar cheese is hard to beat!
41. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? Ornithologist's Guide to Life by Ann Hood, Telling Stories ed. by Joyce Carol Oates, and The Workshop
42. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? Van Gogh's The Starry Night
43. FAVORITE SOUNDS? Falling rain, babies when they're just starting to say words, the silence of nature
44. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Honestly...I've never really listened to either one of them, but I wish I were more familiar with the Beatles
45. THE FURTHEST YOU'VE BEEN FROM HOME Hawaii
46. IF YOU COULD PICK ANY TWO PEOPLE TO HAVE DINNER WITH, WHO WOULD
THEY BE? Margaret Atwood (my favorite author) and my friend Chris (we've been trying to get together since March, and things just keep coming up!)


Race Run Backward

I went running this morning on the Provo River Trail, something I've not done for nearly two years, even though it's only about four miles from my house (didn't run much last year). On a good day, this is a busy trail: moms pushing strollers, kids on trikes, mountain bikers weaving around pedestrians with their cry of "on your left", groups of cub scouts on nature walks, walkers, runners. But today was even more crowded, because this morning was the 10-mile race down the canyon. I'd forgotten that today was the race. For the first half of my five-mile run, I was running up the canyon---the opposite way of all those racers running down.

It was a little bit like running in front of an audience. More than a little embarrassing, to be honest, since I'm neither the fastest nor the most graceful runner you've ever seen. I ran past the race leader---I've seen that guy at other races and he's always the race leader. Then a few more runners trickled past me, and then they started coming in clumps. Reaching that 12-mile marker, my turn-around point, was an exercise in mind control; I had to keep telling myself to just keep running and to ignore how silly I felt. But the run back down the canyon? That was good.

The contrast of running on a race course without being an actual racer helped me see, perhaps more clearly than I ever have, the appeal of racing. It's not as if I'll ever win a race---my 9.5-minute-mile is just not that impressive. So it's not winning that draws me to races. Instead, as I realized this morning, it's the energy. Being in a crowd of like-minded people boosts your enthusiasm. It helps you run farther and faster than you probably would otherwise. And then there are the passing goals.

I don't know if anyone else does this when they're running races. But I'll pick someone random who I can see out in front of me, and decide I want to catch up to that person. Once I pass him/her, I pick someone else. The person I'm trying to catch is like a spool of thread, slowly winding me up and pulling me along, faster than I usually go. Today it was the girl with the green sweatshirt tied around her waist, and then the white-sweatshirt girl. They pulled me down the canyon, two minutes faster than I've run the same distance before.

I finished the run where the racers still had a mile left. Stretching on the side of the road, I again felt silly, being passed by all those runners. Sheepishness aside, though: it was a good run!

SIDENOTE:   I understand that dogs poop. But, HELLO PEOPLE. We are in the mountains here. Is it really too hard to tug your dog OFF the trail and let him do his business in the weeds? When I run I want to look around and admire the greenery and scenery, not watch out for dog poop.

I guess you could say this is my pet peeve!


Book Note: Never Let Me Go

Yesterday, my sister Becky and I, along with my parents, went swimming at our other sister's backyard pool. Our talk turned, as it almost always does, to books, which reminded me that I'd forgotten to bring the book I'd just finished, Never Let Me Go, to loan to her. So I started to explain to her what it's about, being sort of vague because this is a book that is difficult to explain without uncovering the thing the characters spend most of the book looking for. "Well," I said, "It's about these kids in England, growing up in a sort of boarding school. And everyone tells them they're special, and they spend the whole book trying to figure out why their education was so devoted to learning to how to make art, and why their art is special."

And Becky said, "It sounds like a book I just bought. Never Let Me Go." Yep, that'd be the one. It made me laugh to think that both of us, without any input from the other, were reading the same book. I guess it shows how similar our taste in writing is!

I've wanted to read this book for a long time. It sounded sort of dystopian-ish, which is one of my favorite genres. And I was intrigued by the book flap teasers. Just why were these students told they were special? And why was their art so important? So I was thrilled to find it at Costco (which really has a surprisingly good book selection, with better prices and less hassle than Amazon, but unfortunately none of the book reviews!). I've never read anything by Kazuo Ishiguro, so I didn't know what to expect from his writing style. It's different. This isn't a language book---I didn't finish it and think "wow, great imagery and metaphor." I didn't underline anything. In fact, it reads like someone telling an oral story, the sort of rambling type that jumps backwards and forwards a bit. No, it's not about the language. Instead, it's a book about story. And about ethics. And about what makes us human.

I've had this little internal debate with myself: should I write this Book Note and give away all the book's secrets? I almost didn't. But, my point in writing these is to explore my readerly thoughts. So, if you want to read the book---and in doing so force yourself to think about some intriguing and disturbing concepts---then stop reading this now! (That means you, Becky. Unless you've finished, of course. If you've finished, I want to know what you think!)

In this book, shortly after WWII, scientists figure out how to clone human beings. The cloning isn't done to, say, help infertile couples have babies. Instead, people are cloned in order to donate their organs. The biological stuff that's needed for the cloning is taken from a wide variety of people, so that the fully-grown cloned donors have more chances to be a match for donating. These cloned people are created, then grow into adults, at which time they start donating organs until they have donated enough that they can no longer live. Then all their organs are taken. At the beginning of this program, the cloned people---they are called donors---live in horrible conditions, because the world doesn't want to think of them as human beings. No one knows if they have souls or not, so they are treated like they don't.

Enter Miss Elizabeth and her friend, Madame, who have other ideas. They help build a small system of boarding schools for the donors, where they live from their birth. They are educated, comforted, nurtured, and in all ways treated like regular people. Kathy, the protagonist, grows up with a group of donors who are very close to her, and who have a seemingly larger-than-normal curiosity about themselves. Through the course of the book, she and her friend Tommy, with Ruth's help, discover the truth about their lives and about Hailsham, the school where they grew up.

Remember---people don't think that the donors have souls. They view them as walking, breathing organ farms. Miss Elizabeth teaches them art because, to use her words, "we thought it would reveal your souls. Or to put it more finely, we did it to prove you had souls at all."

And this is why I love dystopian novels. They point out the way our society could go. And they make you think: what do I believe? When is the human form more than just cells doing what cells do, when does it become human consciousness? When does the soul enter the body? Is a scientifically-created human being less human than a biologically created one? And does art prove the existence of the soul? Like any good novel, Never Let Me Go doesn't fully answer the questions. But I do think the novel suggests that it isn't only art that proves the existence of our souls. Were the donors simply organ farms and nothing more, they wouldn't fall in love. They wouldn't experience anger, betrayal, frustration, sadness, or joy. Yet they do. The cloned people are just as human as you or I.

Yet I also don't think that Ishiguro is chiming in with a cloning-human-beings endorsement. He's saying "look at the road we are traveling. Do we really want to go this way?" If I could, I'd make every genetic scientist read this book. Just like Kathy had no control over her destiny, I feel very powerless at stopping this sort of science---there's not much I can do. So while Ishiguro is warning us to be careful, I don't think his warning will be heard. And that's a sorrow.


You Don't Know What You've Got 'Till It's Gone

This afternoon, Kendell wanted me to take some photos of the work he's been doing in our backyard. We decided to pour a bigger cement patio, so he's been digging trenches and rerouting sprinkling pipes, and tonight before he filled the trenches back in, I photographed the pipe positions just in case he needed to know where things are at a future date. I got about five or six pictures taken when my camera beeped---memory card full. (I've never actually filled my 2 gig memory card, lol. I've been working on cleaning out my photo directory and wanted to finished that project before I added any more pictures, so I hadn't downloaded in awhile.)

I rushed downstairs and downloaded my pictures, cleaned off my memory card, and rushed back outside to finish taking pictures. Busy day, so I didn't get around to actually looking at the downloaded photos until tonight. I clicked on the "2006" folder---and it was empty.

EMPTY.

I reclicked. Nothing. Panicked. Remember---I had been working on cleaning out my photo directory. Specifically, my 2006 folder directory, with the goal of backing up my pictures to DVD. That's right---my UNBACKED UP folder was mysteriously empty. All those pictures---3.58 gig, to be exact?

GONE.

"Panicked" doesn't come close to expressing how I felt. I called for Kendell (who works with computers for a living and so knows MUCH more than I!), who also couldn't find them. This started off a mad round of clicking through directories and making frantic phone calls to other computer guys.

And through all of this panic, I found myself sobbing. Maybe it's silly to be so upset about some pictures. But I couldn't help it. I kept thinking about what had been in that directory: months 7-12 of Kaleb's baby year. His first birthday. The big kids' spring soccer pictures. Playing in the snow. Haley's eleventh birthday. Jake's baptism and his pinewood derby win. Nathan's wore-it-for-a-week mohawk. Even more specific, I thought of this picture and could not imagine how I would live without it:
Kaleb_saying_cheese

"Mourning" comes close to describing how I felt. It hit me how dependent I am upon my photos. Not because they're technically perfect. But because they give me a connection to what has passed in my life. Without them, my memory would grow less and less specific. It wasn't, then, that I'd just lost some digital photos. Instead, it was as if I'd lost the very moments themselves---like they never happened.

My wonderful husband, though, and his fantabulous friends, managed to find the folder. I GOT MY PICTURES BACK! Not ONE of these totally smart computer guys can figure out how the entire folder got buried. Honestly, I don't care how. I just care that they came back. And I've thoroughly learned my lesson. From now on, I'm getting the best photos printed---every time I download.

Lesson learned. If you're reading this, and you haven't backed up your photos in awhile, you are hereby commanded to do so!


Momma Confession, Tooth-Fairy Style

Part of being a mom is, I think, making magic for your kids. There are the big events, like Christmas and Easter, of course; then there's the every-day magic, like how I can always find a missing item, or nine times out of ten have the exact food someone's craving already stocked in the pantry. Then there was the time, when Haley was three-ish, that she invented the Wishbone Fairy, the one who grants your wishes when you get the big side of the wishbone. (That didn't last very long, considering that she wished for a unicorn and I'm fairly certain the beanie-baby, fuzzy one that showed up on the kitchen counter a few days post-turkey was not exactly what she was hoping for.) I love this part of motherhood. In fact, I'm a little fanatical about protecting the behind-the-curtain productions. I want my kidlets to believe, whole-heartedly, in Santa. I work hard to make magic.

But I hate being the tooth fairy.

I mean, really: so much is riding on it. Because once the kid sees Mom slip her tooth from under the pillow and replace it with quarters, not only is the tooth-fairy gig up. Everything is. Because who believes in Santa once they discover that the tooth fairy is a hoax? And the potential for discovery is immense. What if the creaking of the door woke him up? Or the light? Or the clumsy tooth fairy who trips over that damnable Rescue Heroes robot?  Not to mention just how often the tooth fairy disappoints. Sixteen or eighteen lost teeth per child, multiplied by four children, and you've got to realize that sometimes, this tooth fairy is going to hop into bed with nary a thought for magical pillow money. In one of my reoccurring nightmares, I realize that it's 3:00 a.m. on Christmas morning and not only do I not have any gifts wrapped for the kids---I don't have any gifts for the kids at all. So you can imagine the angst that forgetting to play the tooth fairy causes me. I think the standard story---"wow, there must have been a lot of kids who lost teeth yesterday. I'm sure she'll come tomorrow"---is starting to get a little bedraggled. And the awful truth? Usually she does come tomorrow---but every once in awhile she forgets twice in a row.

My neighbor pointed out to me today, during one of those my-mothering-skills-sure-go-down-the-drain-during-the-summer discussions, that the truly bad moms are, say, smoking crack or forgetting to feed their children. Forgetting to do the tooth-fairy performance, then, in the grand scheme of things, can't be that bad, can it? I hope not.

But I still don't think I'll ever like being the tooth fairy. Maybe it's Kendell's turn?


My Mother Didn't Scrapbook

She did a lot of things when we were little---sewed us pretty dresses, taught us how to bake cookies, made us stuff beans into canning jars. She taught me that diced peach, frozen in pineapple juice and then melted until slushy, is a little slice of culinary heaven, especially on a January Saturday when it's grey and cold outside. I learned how to be a smart shopper from my mom, and how to pick a ripe cantaloupe.

But she didn't scrapbook.

Of course, it wasn't "the" thing to do during the 70s. But I don't think she'd have scrapped anyway. It's just not her. That's OK. But I've been thinking lately about some things I wish had been saved from my childhood. Some memories. The other day, Nathan asked me to tell him about when I was in first grade (since first grade, and going to school all day, are looming up in his not-so-distant horizon, making him anxious). All I could remember was that I hated the outfit I wore for first grade pictures and my undying devotion for my first-grade teacher. But, you know, I can't remember why I adored Mr. Averett. I don't remember if it was an itchy tag or the humiliating polka dots that made my picture outfit unbearable.

I don't remember the details.

All of which has gotten me thinking about my own scrapbooking habits. About what I want to preserve for my kids. What will they want to remember, twenty years in the future? Will I hit the mark and record the right things? Or are there stories only they can tell? And, really: will it matter anyway? I mean, say I could remember why I had so much strong affection for my first grade teacher. How would that knowledge help me now? Would it make me wiser or more compassionate? Or make an argument with my husband hurt less? Probably not.

But I still wish I could remember the details. Or that someone had written them down. And that "I still wish" inspires me. It makes me want to stick to my own scrapbooking aesthetic, which usually feels fairly unimpressive when I read a scrapbooking magazine. For me, the point in scrapbooking is the story. It always has been. Sometimes I'll pretend that I can be visually artistic. Quite often I spend obscene amounts of time exacto-ing out a title or an embellishment. But honestly, my real scrapbooking desires are to write something that's both well-written and true. The visual side, for me, doesn't matter nearly as much as the story.

So, here it is, summer and the kids are home all day. My scrapping time will be limited at best. But I'm making a resolve anyway: to stay true to my aesthetic. To write more stories. And I'm certain that one day, my own kids will be in their thirties, and there will be a long list of the things I didn't do, or didn't do right. But I hope the fact that their memories are more accessible will make up for a tiny bit of my parenting errors.


Summer of Snakes

It's been a wet spring here in Utah. Maybe wetter than any spring we've had since we moved into this house. That's translated into a spate of little garden snakes slithering around here and there. Jake has found four of them in our yard since March. And yesterday, on the way home from school, he found another one. He likes to hold the snake and set it down in the grass to watch it slither, and ponder with his friends what to feed it. I let him play with the snake for the day, usually, and then he has to set it free in the field down the street from us. Jake is a big fan of wild things. He's very gentle with the snakes, and having one to hang out with for a few hours makes him Happy (yes, with a capital H!). Which in turn, of course, makes me happy.

Now---the snakes don't bug me. (Spiders are a whole 'nother story.) My fourth-grade teacher, Mr. Whiting, was a big fan of snakes. Back when I was nine, we had them in our classroom, got to hold them, and wrote reports about them, and I think those experiences removed any snake prejudice I might have had. I don't want one for a pet, but if Jake wants to play with a harmless (read: non-poisonous) snake for awhile, I'm good with that. My neighbor? Not so much. She was freaked out. But Jake was in a snake-induced happiness coma.

I really do wish, though, that I had gotten a photo before the neighbor insisted Jake get rid of the snake. Please note that "getting rid of" is not a euphimism for beheading the snake or some other such gruesome behavior. Neither Kendell nor I can manage that. (The one time we found a mouse in our yard, we ended up trapping it in a bucket and handing it over the fence to an older neighbor who dispatched of the mouse and then handed back the empty bucket, chuckling.) No, when we get rid of snakes, the kids walk mournfully down to the field at the end of the street, then set their temporary pet free. Of course, I'm also guessing that this won't be our last snake this summer. Next time I'll get photos.