I was buying some fabric today (I must finish Nathan’s quilt this week, as the quilter I use is having a sale; nothing like 15% off to get you motivated!), and I could hear the store clerks talking in the back. One of them was telling the other about the amazing breakfast burrito she’d had that morning, and the other one was like, “Ugg, I hate anything like that for breakfast. Nothing salty or spicy. I only like sweet things in the morning.”

I had to chuckle and nod my head, even though she couldn’t see (or hear) me. Start the day off with sweetness has been my life motto for as long as I can remember. I try to not go overboard—I’m not having cake for breakfast. (Usually. Although, fruit pie or apple crisp is totally acceptable breakfast food, yes?) But honey in my oatmeal, hot chocolate in my mug, or at the very least some orange juice. I can eat eggs, but I don’t love them. (I wish they tasted the way they look like they taste.) I like a sweet breakfast.

But here’s the deal. In October, my hamstrings started hurting when I ran. Only when I ran, at first. I finished the two little races I had signed up for (the library 5k and the 2 mile fundraiser for Kaleb’s school) and then I gave myself some time off. First I didn’t run for two entire weeks, but my legs still hurt. All the not-running (and, hence, not stretching) had made them tight, too. After I tried again, my hamstrings didn’t just hurt when I was running. Instead, they hurt if I sat too long. When they flare up, it feels like someone is injecting them with some kind of molten acid. So I took longer and longer breaks, and they just didn’t get any better.

Sure, I exercised a bit. But seriously: I hate the gym. I like to run not exactly because I like to exercise, but because I like to be outside, going somewhere and experiencing nature. Forty-five minutes on the elliptical is mental torture to me. It’s just so boring. So I let exercising sort of slip out of my life.

And started gaining weight.

I now weigh 15 pounds more than I did in October. Fifteen pounds. That’s a lot. And really, I’m not doing that self-hatred, self-shaming thing. I just don’t like how I feel in this new, softer, chubbier body. I don’t like how my clothes feel or how my face looks. I don’t like jiggling.

So finally I decided to do something about it.

I am finally going to a good physical therapist to get my legs happy again. (It is a slow process, but on the other hand, my back hurts less than it has in years.) I’m making myself go to the gym even though I hate it with the fire of a thousand suns. I’ve been lifting weights and going to the sculpting class at the gym.

But it’s also really hard for me to lose weight. Ever since I turned thirty and my thyroid got unhappy, I struggle. If I’m running, I can maintain pretty well. But to actually lose weight? It’s a struggle. A two-pound loss in a month is a success for me. So, in addition to turning up the cardio, I decided I needed to give up sugar.

Because during all those months of not-running, I’ve developed a different habit: snacking. Snacking all the time. While I’m watching TV and scrapbooking and reading. Whenever I’m at the computer. At work, even. I had little sugar stashes everywhere. When I was eating dinner I’d be thinking about how I couldn’t wait to eat dessert. And I wouldn’t just eat something small, I’d eat a lot of candy, or five cookies, or a big piece of cake.

My goals with giving up sugar are to get my snacking habit under control, to kick-start my weight loss, and to find a new normal. I love to bake. I love chocolate. I think a life without any sugar is no life at all.  So my goal isn’t “I’m never going to eat sugar again.” It’s “I’m going to create a healthier relationship with sugar,” and I think to do that I have to eliminate it entirely for a while. No sugar for me until Easter weekend, and then again until my birthday, and I’ll see how it’s going after that.

I started last Monday, March 16. I ate a last little bit before I went to bed, and then I was done. Which means I’ve successfully managed an entire week without sugar! Here is what I’ve learned so far.  

1. For me, it’s hard to give up sugar in a different way than I thought. I have (mostly) avoided any super-intense sugar cravings. Instead of being a physical struggle, it is psychological. What I crave is that little happy lift you get right after eating sugar, even though I know it’s only created out of chemicals, not real happiness.
2. It is partially about changing my habits. It’s a habit to reach for that bag of lemon almonds (oh how I love the lemon almonds!) while I’m reading, it’s a habit to have easily-accessible sugar in every room of the house. It’s not completely about hunger or even cravings. It’s about a bad habit.
3. I’ve forgotten what hunger really feels like. By eating treats all the time, I never really felt hungry. I’d just eat meals because it was time to eat them. I am learning again what my body’s cues are to eat, and what is just an emotional or stressful I-must-stuff-my-face-right-now reaction.
4. But, I am less hungry. Or at least, I have been during the last week of no sugar. I’m not taking anything else out right now, but it felt easier to stop at one and a half slices of pizza (instead of three!) or five or six nuts instead of a whole handful.
5. I can substitute fruit—but only up to a point. When I’ve tried to get sugar out of my diet previously, I still ate a lot of fruit. I’m not one who believes you should take all fruit out of your diet, but I do know that eating fruit instead of chocolate (or those lemon almonds!) isn’t exactly teaching myself to tame my sweet tooth. So, if I need it, I can have one piece of fruit in a day.
6. Having easy veggies to snack on makes it easier to snack on veggies. I know myself: if I have to cut it up, I probably won’t eat it. So, I stocked up on pea pods and cherry tomatoes. I’ve also got cheese sticks and lots of almonds, cashews, and pecans.
7. I am starting to feel better. Honestly, the first three days, I felt like crap. Not in a way I can explain directly. I wasn’t nauseous. I just felt…icky. Drained and tired and off. With zero scientific evidence, I think that is the sugar leaving my system. During the last half of the week, I felt better. More energetic and less fuzzy-minded.
8. I am thirsty all the time. I don’t know what that means, or why, but I haven’t had to force myself to drink extra water. I haven’t been able to get enough. I am hoping my body wanted the liquid to flush out the sugar.
9. You have to round up all the treats and chocolates and sugar sources everywhere. Put them all in a bag and then put that bag somewhere that’s hard to get to. It’s much easier to resist what isn’t there.
10. Grocery shopping is hard, so prepare yourself. You can’t buy any new sugar sources for yourself. Even if they’re on sale! But you are barraged by items containing sugar, the whole time you’re shopping. You have to be strong!

Today I start week 2 of my no-sugar goal. I’m feeling much more confident in my ability to keep this up. This week, I am going to try to rely on fruit less, by not eating any on my busy days. I haven’t weight yet so I have no idea if I’ve lost any weight yet, but I am drawing strength from the fact that I am feeling better.

What about you? Have you ever tried to give up sugar?